Something is coming to an end. It breaks me up, tears at my insides and has a cloud hanging over me through every waking moment. I am angry. I am sad. I am brokenhearted. I want to cry and don’t want to. Shit, shit, shit.
I know over time that I will be okay, that the millions of pieces of me will all fit back together again, it is just waiting for that time to come that is the hard painful part. Meanwhile I get up every morning and do what I have to do – I work on auto-pilot, it is much easier that way.
I want to run away, put on my backpack and go for a very long walk, but no I get some sleep and get up and do today again.
Talking about how I feel is almost impossible – my mother saw to that. I am a man so I don’t feel, don’t cry, don’t hurt – while inside it threatens to rip me asunder.
And still. Yes, even when it is all over I still think there will be some miracle that will put all the pieces back the way they once were. But no, the time has passed and still time keeps rolling forward taking me somewhere else, somewhere that i don’t feel ready to visit. I want to scream, I want time to stop, I want to be able to put it all right again. But no – the time has passed.