Smoking Still Kills…

Now in response to all of the above a friend of mine would say to me – why can you just not leave anyway? I have had several answers to this at various times and they all come down to me feeling like it would be rude in the particular situation. His answer again is – why is doing what you want rude? If they are actually boring find a way to move on – if you are getting asked questions you don’t want to answer then find some other behaviour and deal with the situation. So far he is winning in these discussions, much to my dismay.

So far writing this just points out to me flaws in my character, flaws that I think I will have to deal with if I don’t smoke, flaws that I can avoid facing at present. And quite often it is pleasant to stay to stay ignorant of one’s own flaws.

Anyway back to smoking. This little amount so far illustrates to me that stopping smoking is not just a case of not having cigarettes but a whole change in life – or maybe as often happens I read too much into something can that be kept a bit simpler.

The monetary cost of smoking has not bothered me for several years now. I lived in Austria and the Czech Republic, the costs there were so much less than Ireland or the UK. And now I fly back to Prague a reasonable amount and so do other friends, (that don’t smoke), and they bring me cheap cigarettes. So the cost perhaps amounts to about 700 – 800 euro per year, nothing like the thousands that I would be spending if I was buying them in Scotland or Ireland. I am planning a holiday to Canada, and 800 euro would pay for the ticket – but that just doesn’t work for me – the motivation factor is far too low.

That last paragraph brought something up. I have only one friend who smokes, I find that quite amazing. When I was younger, not that long ago, almost all my friends smoked. God what happened? They stopped, bloody simple. Something they can do but I can’t? Now that is annoying and has more motivation in it than anything else so far – and that says much of my character.

So one last thing. I say that I like smoking. I enjoy the cigarettes in the morning with my extra strong coffee. Two in a row in fact. However often through the rest of the day I often don’t even notice them, I sit in front of the computer and work and smoke and don’t know if I have just finished a cigarette or if I want another, my attention is completely focused elsewhere. I like the cigarettes after food or with a coffee.

However I often look at them while smoking them and wish them away, and wonder if it is actual pleasure or just the satisfaction of an addiction? And I know the answer to that question, I remember how hard it was to get used to smoking again, the horrible taste, the constant chewing of gum.

I am in Prague just now. I flew here two days ago and normally when flying I take some pills to knock me out as I hate flying. A though came to me while waiting in the airport – what one thing could I do today to improve my life. The answer was simple, not take the pills – they knock me out for the duration of the flight and longer really, I am not really fit for anything for the rest of the day. I did not take the pills, quite an achievement for me, given my fear of flying, the flight was not any better, but the rest of my day was.